


like a prayer for a Monster

by MRChaos



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Attacks, Flashbacks, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Past Torture, Psychological Trauma, Ramsay is his own warning, it will get more gruesome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 02:09:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3592347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MRChaos/pseuds/MRChaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her once brown eyes are glassed over looking at Reek, like all off them, looking at him… blaming him for not stopping Ramsay.<br/>“But how could i? HOW COULD I???” Theon started screaming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Infected

Some days were easy to handle and other days were not. Today it seemed that the day, was a disturbing one, infected inside his mind, just like maggots crawling and spilling out from a corpse.

The hour’s didn’t matter, nothing mattered, the fucking coffee steaming from his cup didn’t matter, the cake on his plate with a strawberry on top didn’t matter, Robb looking at him with worry over the dinner table in his own house didn’t matter since Theon didn’t care. Really didn’t care.

Robb wasn’t that young man, could never be that person. All Robb was and would be was smiles, his adoptive brother with a beautiful (Fake-bitch) pregnant wife.

His wife Jeyne that seemed to avoid showing how much she hated and pitied Theon. Now her eyes were irritated and in blaze with an accusing “didn’t you get better yet?” and “Why the hell aren’t you JUST normal?”

Meeting her gaze with his empty one, Theon knew that the hate she held for him was because Theon made Robb worry so much, and the pity part because how could one… not pity an abuse/rape _victim?_

_“You know we belong together right” Ramsay growled out as he pulled Reeks head under water again for the day while all Reek could do was to try and struggle weakly for his masters entertainment. When Ramsay pulled him back up again, his eyes burned black holes on Theon`s soul while all Reek could do was to hold back a sob that threated to break free from his mouth past his broken and jagged teeth, as he heard his master say “Because your mine, aren’t you Reek? And not theirs” And saw with tearful eyes Ramsay pull down his own fly with something that looked like a twisted smile on his lips._

Before Theon knew it, he was sitting on Robbs living room sofa with Robb shaking his shoulders and saying his name in an agonized tone, desperately trying to bring Theon back from god knows where without realizing that Theon was back. Jeyne on the other hand was panicking behind Robb trying to get a response from her husband on who to call too.

Beyond annoyed by now Theon suddenly stood up, making Robb tumble back on his backside from his before kneeling position. “THEON” Robb shouted behind his back trying to recover on to his feet as Theon made his way to the front door, ignoring Jeynes attempts to stop him as he took his jacket from the coat holder and stormed out.

Theon only made it to a couple of blocks before his knees gave up and he slumped down beside a trash container somewhere in a dark alley that _Reeked_ of decay and death. The dark didn’t scare him and never would not after Ramsay happened.

_Reek gasped and moaned in pleasure and pain as Ramsay fucked into him like a beast all the while he bit Reeks shoulder bloody, half muttering and half screaming out in tight gasps “Reek, Reek, REEK, REEEEEK” as he came inside Theon, ignoring the way Theon`s eyes spilled out tears. After three more turns Ramsay was spend as he slumped against Reeks back almost crushing the much smaller quietly sobbing teenager. When morning came Theon was beyond sore but he didn’t dare open his eyes as he knew what he would see, so he let Ramsay play with his long white hair with his fingers that twisted and pulled roughly at his hair until he opened his eyes in shock and saw Damon and Skinners heads on the bedside table, staring at him with dead eyes when he hear Ramsay laugh darkly out_

_“I really did warn them didn’t I Theon?”_

_Reek screamed out._

When Theon opened his eyes all he could see was white and for a moment he thought he had died, until he realized that he was at a hospital with an IV in his arm and Robb slumped on a non-so soft looking chair beside his bed. Holding Theon`s left hand in his. Theon had a weird urge to cry but he didn’t instead he observed Robb, his adoptive brother’s thick red-brown hair looked matted and Theon knew that when Robb stirred and looked at him with his blue eyes that they too would be matted and dull. Showing him Robb’s regrets and grief.

Theon felt like drinking bleach as he closed his eyes.

 _No matter how much Reek struggled and screamed out in panic for Damon to release him. Damon didn’t let him go. Skinner in turn ONLY laughs’ and digs his fingers on Reeks hips as he thrusts inside the weak and starved creature. All Reek can hear from skinner is “Why shouldn’t we use him too?” and “Ramsay should_ _just share him with us instead of being a stubborn bastard” as he sees_ _Ramsay’s blue eyes stare at Damon and Skinner from just outside the door with a machete in his hand. But all Reek can think at that moment are that Ramsay’s eyes are cold like death itself while the smile that comes up on his lips are far too warm._

_When everything is done Reek can only giggle brokenly as Ramsay holds his face in his dripping red hands, while Theon thinks somewhere inside his mind that Damon and Skinner never stood a chance, not even when they drugged Ramsay to sleep and shackled him down in his own basement and used him later on._

_“Because Real monsters like Ramsay never lose” Theon whispers to Reek._

_Almost like a prayer._


	2. Blue deep eyes

Theon loved Robb, loved him like a brother but right now the stark boy was getting on his _nerves. Just like three year ago-_ IF Robb wasn’t calling him every ten minutes he was texting him instead with ridicules topics such as “I think I prefer the color white instead of purple”, “Did you eat breakfast?” or “Don’t you just think the weather is more than sunny today?” and lastly the last text he got which said “Theon I think I will get together with Jon today for dinner at “Glorias Diner” want to come with us?”

To keep Robb from texting him any further Theon texted a “Fine” with a smiley face :-D even though he felt like making an angry face and instead send a text which said “Fuck off Stark”. But knowing that wouldn’t be a nice way of getting Robb to stop texting _(Not that Robb would stop texting)_ he quickly added instead with an afterthought “I’m busy right now! Will text you when I have time” Which in itself was a lie.

And Robb surely knew that.

Because Theon had nothing to do today beside sitting on his simple brown sofa on his tiny dump of an apartment, watching cartoons on TV with a tall glass of water beside him. And a pathetic one sliced sandwich with butter and tomatoes on top that he couldn’t possibly force himself to eat which was indeed pathetic since he was already holding it on his right hand.

Getting up and into his kitchen, Theon tossed his sandwich inside the kitchen trash bag and made his way to the bathroom. A cold shower sounded about just right since the thought of drinking bleach didn’t sound so good.

Taking off his pajamas right outside his bathroom, all Theon could do was just stare at himself in the big mirror that he had right beside the bathroom door. Stare at the art that Ramsay made of him.

A mere ghost of his former self.

Before Ramsay, Theon could truly smile, before Ramsay- Theon had golden hair, before Ramsay- Theon didn’t have trouble with getting food into his stomach without getting sick. Before Ramsay Theon wasn’t scared, afraid, or hysterical. Before Ramsay, Theon had been beautiful and whole, BEFORE Ramsay Bolton… Reek didn’t exist.

And today Theon felt more like Reek then Theon, staring at the reflection of Reek. That stared back at him with dull and ghostly eyes. Indeed before Ramsay, Theon had been alive.

_What amused Theon the most about his new private school wasn’t that he was a sixteen years old teenage beauty that made every girl in his new school turn and gawk at him, no that was just sweet rather than amusing. As he was walking in the school corridor. Because what was really amusing to Theon the most, was that many high school boys shot the evil eye daggers at him with their eyes as he walked past them. And if the envy from other boys didn’t amuse him right now, what would?_

_“They better be jealousy” Theon thought as he opened the door to his new class._

_His first day in class went smoothly as he learned the girl’s names while all of the boys in his class ignored him, not even speaking to him once. At lunch he sat with the girls and tried to think if he would be bedding the blond or the red head first. At the end of the second week he had bedded them both and soon enough, he had been accepted by the boys in his class. Theon Greyjoy was once more popular in school but without Robb to be there with him which frankly suck, but Theon quickly cast away that thought._

_Soon it had passed four months since Theon had enrolled to the private school, the warmth was gone and snow was now falling from the sky. Then in the most cold and snowy Monday of the month. The concentration in the class broke and froze when the classroom door suddenly opened and a sickly thin teenager, with black tight jeans and a too big black sweater with black thick hair walked inside. Standing in front of the whole class, the short and really thin teen looked at them all with silent eyes as if he was scanning them and then suddenly he began walking towards Theon. When Theon`s eyes meet the short boys eyes, he almost gasped at how deep blue the boys eyes where. And how cute he looked. But the boy didn’t even spare Theon a gaze as he took the seat to his left and turned his face to the window._

_“Ramsay is back” Theon heard somebody say with a shaky voice in the front row, as he could only observe the boy- Ramsay to his left and wonder about the iron smell that obviously came from the teen._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who ever said Ramsay couldent be cute? ;-D


	3. The small smile

The walk to Glorias Diner for Theon was with other words, at the best that he could think of beside “bothersome” quiet empty beside the snow that danced in the wind. By now Theon thought for sure with a twisted grin that he would be hit by a car or mugged by someone for rejecting Robb`s offer to drive him. 

How he had been walking for twenty minutes without karma interfering with his life, for denying Robb`s ride was beside him. But then again when he had just left his apartment with his winter jacket on and beanie on top of his head, and his knitted scarf tightly secured on his neck. Theon had nearly gone into a panic attack when he thought he saw Ramsay with his black leather jacket suited for the winter, walk past beside him. At first he had almost let out a scream, but without his own control, his body had already turned backwards only to have his eyes see nothing but an empty street. Letting out a shallow breath Theon then had the sudden urge to collapse and just cry as his chest tightened painfully. But he didn’t as he just turned back and continued on his way, texting Robb in a mockingly way to calm down his nerves “Since you think it’s more than _sunny_ today, let’s go skinny dipping _sunshine_ ” to which Robb answered back “Bite me Mrs. greyhole”

Finally arriving at the Diner in a much better mood, Theon spotted first Robb and later on Jon sitting across him as he made his way towards the table. Jon was the first of them that spotted him. When Theon finally took his seat beside Robb, he noticed the big smile on Robb’s face and Jon`s observing eyes looking at him as they greeted each other. They ordered their foods and talked for a short moment about Robb’s businessman career until Theon took his jacket off and saw the exact second Robb’s and Jon`s eyes went wide.

“What the fuck Theon!” Jon sputtered out in a panicked voice while Robb just stared at him in a horrified face. “Theon” Robb started after a moment’s silence “Have you been eating anything at all these past days?” The answer was a quiet clear “No” from Theon as he avoided Robb and Jon’s eyes.

Theon knew he was skinny but not to such an extent that it clearly worried Robb and Jon.

Finally at his apartment Theon was beyond tiered, Jon and Robb had not only ordered him another plate of spaghetti Bolognese but also a steak sandwich with extra salad on top. Saying Theon was stuffed, was an understatement by this point. He had never felt so stuffed in his whole life as he felt right now. He wanted to throw up. But he didn’t as he instead slumped down on his sofa, slowly falling into a food coma in the darkness of his apartment.

The only thing that drifted thru Theon`s head, flashing like a picture was a memory of a young Ramsay looking back at him in class with a small smile, surly from Theon telling him a stupid joke and not because of a girls sudden death in school from breaking her neck.

_After Ramsay was back in his class. Theon noted two things in the week that had passed, one it seemed as if everyone was avoiding Ramsay. Even Loras Tyrell who was extremely nice towards other people. But when it came to Ramsay, Theon noted the glare and hateful eyes Loras gave the other boy especially when Loras had turned around four days in a row from his seat in class and only glared at where Ramsay sat. Even if Loras glares was only second’s long, Theon had noticed how much those eyes burned towards Ramsay in rage._

_By this Theon was confused so when he asked Loras the second time he glared at Ramsay, after class. When it was only Theon, Joffrey Lannister, Loras and Renly Baratheon togheter without anyone else close by. Loras had completely avoided his friends question by saying “I don’t know what you mean Theon” to which Renly quickly changed the topic to girls. At that Joffrey only gave Theon a look which said clearly “You really don’t want to know”_

_Even though Theon really did._

_When Thursday came it seemed that Ramsay ignored Loras like always, until that is when Loras had once more turned in his seat and made his eyes ready to burn thru the skinny boy a second time around._

_Only to pale like a sheet of paper this time and quickly turn his back._

_Startled by this reaction, Theon could only look at Loras back in question, only to see that Loras was trembling like a leaf. Beyond startled by now Theon in turn turned his head to his left, only to have his eyes connect with Ramsay`s blue ones that were looking back at Theon with something Theon couldn’t register at that cute face. But none the less, Theon felt his cheeks redden up and quickly broke his gaze away from Ramsay’s._

_When class ended and Ramsay left first like always the second thing Theon noticed for the week was that he couldn’t seem to stop his heart from beating like crazy when Ramsay’s was around even though he hadn’t said even one word to the fellow teenager._

Waking up Theon noticed that it was bright in the living room, he had slept thru the whole night on his sofa and to say that his limbs felt awkward and sore would be correct. Looking at the clock Theon could see that it was only 6:00 am but deciding not to go back to sleep again, Theon took a quick shower without looking at the mirror. And dressed in one of his jeans, a dark green one with a simple grey t- shirt on top that he completed by taking on his grey cardigan sweater.

Feeling that he still felt full from yesterday Theon, instead took out a book from his bookcase about cooking (a present from Jon from last year) and sat down on his sofa to read thru it again, for what felt like the fifth time.

Only to get startled by a knock on his door.

Making his way to his door in a playful mood, Theon was all ready to kick Robb on his leg and hug him later on, only to find himself freezing up in shock when he opened the door to see Roose Bolton looking at him with a smile. Or at least what could have been a smile, had Roose Bolton known what a smile was.

Ramsay’s young face from yesterday floated up from Theons memory’s and the small smile Ramsay gave him from the past felt like needles piercing his heart.


	4. Turkish delight

Before Theon could say anything besides staring at Roose with wide open eyes and a slight open mouth. Roose broke the silence with an “inside _please_ ” that wasn’t even a question rather an order. Theon said nothing as he stepped aside from the open door and let Roose inside, Theon could feel shivers running down his back as Reek began crying out inside his head. For a moment Theon felt like he would lose himself to the void that had suddenly opened beneath his feet at seeing Roose inside his apartment but he quickly recovered when he took Roose`s trench coat and hanged it on a coat holder that he had by the door. A quiet “Shit” slipped past Theon`s lips as he noticed that his hands were shaking and that Roose had noticed by looking down at his hands.

For a second Theon didn’t know what he should do as Roose continued on looking at his shaking hands but now with a clear glimmer inside his deep blue eyes.

Eyes like Ramsay`s… _No no no no no no no! Don’t think_! Reek whimpered out somewhere inside the darker corners off his mind like a broken toy tugging at Theons mind. Reek almost crawling to the surface made Theon feel sick as the shivers behind his back made him break out in cold sweat.  And then suddenly Roose`s face was right there in froth of Theons face and it was as if time itself had stopped as Theon felt Roose`s hand on the back of his waist. Holding him.

In respons all that could leave Theons throat by then was a breathless squeal and a “Please please don’t… just dont”

“Don’t what?” Roose questioned in a cold voice and shimmering eyes.

“Hu..rt me.. s..ir” Theon stammered out feeling more and more like Reek by the second.

“Don’t be foolish Theon, I only wish to speak with you ” Roose said with a smirk on his lips and an almost soft gaze in his eyes, as he draw back from Theon and continued on saying “And right now I was only observing if you were as thin as you looked” When the skinny man didn’t response and instead frowned, Roose arched one eyebrow as if truly amused at Theon``s frown.

(“You sure look amused!”) Theon almost spitted out but didn’t as he in the last second instead decided to invite Roose too his living room.

_Every lesson after that last one, where Theon and Ramsay`s eyes had connect, there was now a sort of game between them without a single word said. When Theon would look at Ramsay. The skinny boy would ignore him and when Theon turned back to face the whiteboard, Ramsay`s blue ones would look at him in turn. And every single time after a lesson Theon would try to catch up with Ramsay after class, to no success at all. It was as if Ramsay was the one playing around with him instead, Theon thought sometimes. After two weeks in to the game it seemed as if Loras Tyrell understood what kind of game Theon and Ramsay was playing at. So he approached Theon after school on a Friday and told Theon something that made his bones shake._

Having served one cup of dark coffee to Roose, who was now sitting in froth of Theon and a milk tea with honey for himself while he served a beautiful box with expensive Turkish delight in the middle of the living room table.  Theon waited patiently as Roose drank from the dark liquid and then for a moment Theon almost forget about why Roose was here in first place. When the man took one pink Turkish delight from the box and bit into the pink dessert.

(The Turkish delight were something that a pale faced Jon had bought him like a “get well soon gift” one week ago, when Theon had freaked out on Robb and later on opened his eyes in the hospital)

It seemed as if Roose lit up like a child or at least his eyes did as he ate the rest of the small delight treat. After a while Roose looked up from his coffee and started with “A time ago I found something off interest that I think belongs to you Theon” he completed saying as he handed Theon something from his suit that had Theons eyes widen.

In Theons hand there was now a small octopus necklace, that he knew would say “For me there is only you” if he opened the small octopus head. It was the golden necklace that Ramsay had bought Theon/Reek a week before he had cut Damon and Skinners heads off.

At the memory Theon eyes filled with tears and he gasped when he heard “Why didn’t you come Theon, that day three years ago?” Startled Theon could only stare at Roose in disbelief as Roose continued on “After all that trouble you went thru, you still didn’t come to see him, why is that Theon, where you afraid?”

“Afraid off fucking what!” Theon screamed out as his blood boiled while he slammed down his hands on the table. A wide grin _NO_ a crazed grin widened on Roose`s face with equal insanity in his eyes as he said never letting go off Theons eyes “ ** _That you would see him pale and dead_** ”

 


	5. Its you, he and me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Ramsay dead?

 

Dead

Dead, dead, dead, _death_ was a too big word.

_Ramsay…_

He couldn’t be dead! Monsters never died, never disappeared. So Ramsay could not be dead since he was always there and here. Before Ramsay would torture him physically and mentally, now Ramsay was torturing Theon in his dreams and from the shadows and his memories. So how could Ramsay be dead? When he spotted him here and there? When he could sometimes spot Ramsay`s shadow, When he could smell Ramsay on his bed sheets? When he could feel Ramsay’s touch in his dreams. How could Ramsay be dead? Dead? _FUCKING DEAD????_

He couldn’t! That was impossible!!!

 _BUT…_ isn’t that why he had freaked out? The last time he was at Robb`s house with a cake on his plate that had a strawberry on top, when Robb had said from across the dinner table _“ **It has been three years since Ramsay’s death Theon**_.. _Don’t you think it’s time for you to let someone special into your life?”_ and continued on saying _“You know…Jon could be that special someone since he had a pretty big crush on you from before Theon, And something tells me that he still loves you even now, maybe even more after everything you have been thru so…so what do you say? Theon? Theon?”_

“GET THE FUCK OUT!!! GET OUT!!! GET OUUUUUUT!” Theon screamed out at Roose as his right hand clutched a hold on the Turkish delight box which he flung at Roose before the man could open his fucking shit babbling mouth. When the box hit Roose across on his chest, the man only stared at Theon, in what seemed like surprise and amusement- all the while he was still sitting on the brown sofa. Beyond enraged by now Theon didn’t care for Reeks Screams about “STOP, STOP HE WILL KILL US!!! KILL US! AND SKIN US!!! JUST LIKE THOOSE WOMEN!” as he threw himself towards Roose.

Landing on the much older man’s lap, Theon began beating away at Roose`s chest and every single body part his fists landed on. Begin a underweight twig didn’t help since he noticed that his fists didn’t do any damage at the normal weighing man since all Roose did was let out a laugh and grab a hold on Theon`s wrists with his hands and stop his pathetic hits. Having his wrists in restraint by Roose, Theon tried to wrestle free by trashing around. Only to land with his back on the sofa while Roose hovered above him laughing even more now. Still holding on to Theon.

Beyond frustrated at how he couldn’t seem to get Roose to let go off his wrists and the rage that he felt pumping thru his veins, that mixed with the exhaustion that he felt and the insanity in Roose`s blue eyes. Theon couldn’t hold it inside anymore… so he just let it go, and blurred out the laughing insanity above him. As he started crying.

Theon didn’t even notice that Roose had let go off his wrists until that is when he got flipped around so that his back was now above Roose who straddled him, while he was pressed face first to the sofa. “NO, NO, NO” Theon began screaming out as he felt Roose’s hand slipping under his cardigan and then his t-shirt, “DON’T” Theon let out as he began trashing around to no vain, since he felt Roose`s hand now on his scarred back, stroking his scars with his touch while Roose’s other hand was on Theon`s bum. Reek in turn was crying out and screaming out in Theons mind bloody murder, while Theon was more than ready to just faint.

And he would have had it not been for when he felt something wet on his neck. _Roose`s tongue that was tasting his skin…_

At that Theon completely lost it screaming out “RAMSAY, RAMSAY, RAMSAY, RAMSAY!!!” and he would have continued on screaming out Ramsay`s name, had it not been for Roose getting off him. When the weight was gone from Theons back, Theon quickly scrambled up to his legs now in full height with Roose right across him.

Theons stomach turned at Roose`s dead nonchalant eyes staring at him in what seemed emptiness, as if he had never had Theon pinned beneath him seconds ago. Felling his stomach turn again, Theon broke out in to a run to the bathroom only muttering out to Roose “I need to puke” as he brushed past the monster. Letting out a mouthful of acid inside his toilet, Theon didn’t care that he could feel Roose`s present behind him outside the open bathroom door, since he was busy heaving out his stomach acid and the milk tea he had only half finished. When Theon was done he got up and flushed the toilet, and then cleaned himself up by washing his hands, face and lastly brushing his teeth roughly.  When his own eyes meet his reflection in the small bathroom mirror, his eyes also meet Rooses that was observing Theon.  

Ignoring Roose, Theon observed himself or rather his face, three years ago he had capped lips, broken and jagged teeth and a crooked nose all thanks to Ramsay. While now his lips were smooth and teeth fixed and whole, while his nose was back to the strait state it was before Ramsay, all thanks to the plastic surgery. _Eddard Stark had paid, and even now continue to pay. By setting money every month to Theons bank account to take care of Theon…No._

Turning back to face Roose, all that came out from Theon mouth “It’s you isn’t it Roose? You paid for everything didn’t you? And the money that comes in every month isn’t from Ned but from you isn’t it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From on now, i will try to make every chapter a lot longer ;D so i maybe wont be able to update every day maybe every second day or third?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ;)


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